ppl seem to be more interested in the reality around them and their
frens...they nvr take time to start thinking about the world
around...none of them ever thinks about poor and hungry ppl...all over
the world are ppl suffering...why is everyone ignoring the harshness
of reality, why are they so unaware of everything...maybe thats y
nobody wans to think about life...everyone seems to wan to ignore the
unpleasant truth...if onli i can juz live like everyone else: so happy
in the reality they create around them...tis cant be wad life is about...

seeing other ppl in NUS high has shown me more sorts of ppl...its
getting more and more confusing...i cant seem to find time to think,
and it keeps me awake every night...my mother said that when ppl cant
sleep, it meant that they r stressed...and so she keeps asking me if
im stressed or not at school...i juz cant bring myself to tell her
about all this thinking and stuff...but i feel that something is
missing in this society...its like every1 is a piece of puzzle that
can somehow fit into society, and every1 belongs in a place...but i
feel im in the wrong place...and also its like theres something wrong
throughout this whole system...but i cant point out where this is...im
kinda like mapping out life, and its most probably impossible...but
theres this faint hope...like scientists can figure out the structure
of the Earth thru seismic waves even if they nvr got to see the
mantle, and others can figure out atoms so such details that its
impossible to think that the best picture of an atom is a bunch of
grey dots that are meant to be gold atoms...maybe i have the chance,
but then again, theres no way to experiment with life...theres no
second chance, and i have veri little experience...but im still gonna
find out wad i can...im looking for ppl to help me with
this...experience is not needed, i guess...but i juz need ur time...if
any1 is willing to help plz tell me...im reali hoping to have a chance
to see thru the different views of life...

eveyone around me seems so insensitive...or else im juz too sensitive...i juz don know which is which anymore...but they seem so caught up in their own problems to notice anyone else around them...maybe i juz care too much about others...i should be worrying about myself instead...but my problems always seem so insignificant...i cant tell the difference between truth and lies...Life deceives ppl...everything i trusted in had all been a lie...i juz cant tell...i hope theres some1 to help me...to walk by my side im this long journey of Life...

i don know...my life seems so wrong...it started bcoz i knew too much...since young i read alot, and it gave me insights on other ppl's lives...but eventually i figured out that my life was so different from others...the way i thought, the way i felt was not the way other ppl did (and i figured all this already around 8 years old, maybe younger...)...so i started to try to find out more about life...i didnt know it at first, but now i know how much problems it could get me into...i began to look at life with a different perspective...its too late to turn back already...damage has been done and i cant change my ways and thoughts...im juz so hopeless, i can juz try my best to find the system to life and society around us...onli then i might be able to change the state i am in...i juz wan to change everything in my life...i want to live like others, and not like this anymore...i juz cant live like this anymore...can anyone out there help me...can anyone
help me to map out this system of life? plz...i need help so much...

im so happy its finally goimg to be the weekends...i hope i can chat with someone, if not i would've rather spent it in school...school was reali scary in some ways...im so much of a paranoid, i wori about trying to fit in...and i was talking to another new student (same year as me)...and he was like saying he LIKED memorising the numbers of PI while in his other school...(i was so shocked, but theres more)...then he went on to say that he didnt know that memorising the first few (not reali few to me) numbers could get him POPULAR in the school...i was totally shocked (another student said that guy bothered to memorise about a hundred, so i hope u understand me)...when i heard that i was so i would not be able to fit in (ppl say i think too much, and i agree, but if knowing is half the battle won, then i can say i left mani battles half won...)...felt so nervous in school, and bcoz of the initiation ceremony of the school, i found myself leaving school
at (guess when?) close to 9PM...note im saying PM capitalised...im right now taking the train home (9:15pm now...) but when im able to post tisup it'll probably be tmr...followed 1 of my classmates to the MRT train, met one of his frens along the way, and reached there, finding out that both would've took the train going the other way (talk about feeling betrayed by ppl i dont know - come to think of it he was the person who made me end up as biology rep, and im scared of responsibilities - not that i hate it, but im juz scared i do something wrong, and i'll coz everyone trouble...im juz so scared) ...so lonely that i actually spoke to another student (total stranger) that was 2 years younger than me...dont kniw what i was doing i guess, but fortunately (for me) it turned out fine...actually right now imso happy to be out the tunnel (still in the train)...the train is going closer already, and im feeling so lonely (changed trains so im not with the
other girl - i actually got her contact number lolz)...juz gonna be happy to get home... and hopefully my mother will let me use the com tmr...coz i hope to have someone to talk to...(reached home later at 9:30pm - quite early considering i expected to reach home at 10pm) hope i can wori less, play more! whoo hoo for the weekends...plz try to be online (i'll chat if i get to be online), provided anyone reads tis on time (which, being more of a pessimist, i wont reali think its gonna happen...but being a pessimist is not what some ppl think, like looking at stuff badly...its more of not expecting good stuff to happen, which would bring more surprise when things do go right, but usually being a pessimist doesnt make me want to enjoy it when it does happen, so i sort of end up not veri happy -lolz -, but at least baf stuff wont hurt me so much haha...)...going to start thinking of other stuff already...but i think i'll go sleep first...i'll enjoy (at least
i'll try to) the weekends tmr (after my chinese tuition, that is)...yea um...good night

i think i have enough of everything already...its hard trying to fit in in this new school...1 hour bus ride juz to get to school is juz too much for me...hoping to find some ppl who i can fit in with but i always have trouble with that...partially bcoz everyone i met so far juz turned out to be weird ppl or something...i juz hoping for some relaxing time over the weekends, but its unlikely...my bros all getting to use the computer but apparently my mother have a problem with me using it...she's like "enough (playing) already" when i ask her fir permission to play...and i havent even seen the computer on...my bros got to play it while i spent my whole day in school, and my mother acts like i had been playing computer for the whole day already...i juz wan to spend some time meeting ppl i know for a change (its reali veri lonely for me in school - i look at a group of frens and i juz wish for some frens like that...and i wonder if i should have juz stayed
in my previous school...) things could have turned out differently i guess... but maybe theres a reason y things shpuld be this way...juz hoping i have a fren online to talk to tomorrow, so i wont feel so lonely...cant seem to find my frens from my old school...so i hope to be able to talk to my old frens tomorrow...that is if i can get online, otherwise, its gonna be a long weekend, and another longer week ahead...

i think i got it figured out...so tis isnt reali my blog...tis is more
of the life of the ppl around me, the feelings i see in them...so that
is another aspect of life - a network of diversity...but diversity is
about differences, and these differences is another cause of
chaos...ppl fighting about race and religion...ppl comparing status,
job, wealth and everything else...everything juz has to go tis way...i
guess thats the way of life

missing my frens from my old school...its like all the days of school
with them is juz a distant memory...waiting for time to forget...i
guess things juz have to change...