life is full of what-ifs...i sometimes wonder alot of these...and i'll
juz get lost in my imaginations...its so scary how different life
could me if something else happened imstead...it may not look like
much, but it means alot...maybe we start from a short time ago...wad
if u had passed the exams with flying colours? wad if u had went to
some other place for the holidays? wad if u had went out with your
frens the other day?...this may seem small...but the further we go
back, the more significant it is...like wad if u had not wemr to the
school u r now in? wad if u had not changed homes a few years back?
wad if u had not met the best fren u have now?...lets go a few more
years back...wad if u had been born in another time? wad if u were
borm somewhere else? wad if u were born differently?...to go to the
extreme, the changes might juz be drastic...wad if the Issac Newton
was not born? wad if Earth did not exist? wad if life was different as
we know it?...

i guess alot of stuff here could have happened, alot could have
not...i dont know...life is so weird...for example...in a game, i
found a fren i thought i lost...juz that 1 second i took to find him...
(i've been trying for a while...)...but what if it happened
differently?...wad if i didnt bother to search for him (i usually
found him offline)...wad if something else happened...wad if i nvr
found him...
i think i was foolish...i kept losing frens...i made so few...and the
frenship juz falls apart bcoz i didnt bother to ask for their
contacts...i guess i was young and naive...i juz took everything for
granted...i guess my life was so crapped up...its juz another reason
im tis way - losong hope on life...hope u still have your meaning of
life...God bless you

juz in case u have no idea about me...im currently in sec 2 in
Anderson Secondary, but in the year 2009, im changing school to NUS
high...had a bridging course, and im gonna have a test when i go back
to school...if i fail i will have extra classes to catch up...

Tuesday 30 December 2009

7:00pm
bored...my mother is "reminding" (a.k.a., nagging)...shes like "don
forget to back your bags", "did u revise ur work?" and "did u check
the school website for more information?"...lolz...

7:10pm
my father sat down, and took a look at my graphic calculator (cost: S
$239 - lolz i noe its expensive...but its compulsory zzz)...and he was
scared i lost it...(cant blame him)...he wanted me to write my name on
the calculator...but after a while he bcame more worried...to the
point of even wanting to ENGRAVE - take note, not making a mark, not
writing my name with marker, but to engrave on BOTH the cover and the
calculator itself - so he rushed us straight thru dinner...

7:40pm
sitting in my father's car, with my mother and 2 bros...on the way to
queenstown - queensway shopping centre - (half an hour car ride...so
bored)...imagine...all the trouble juz for a calculafor...my bros all
getting a little bored (earlier they were slightly irritated for
needing to go out for nothing)...they all hoping to buy something as
well...but all im hoping for is that we nvr went out at all...its
gonna be hard to go back to school with a calculator which even has an
engraving of my name...zzz tis is a slow nightmare...

wow...i don usually post stuff like up there...but now i still have my
usual things to say below...

i figured more stuff...(juz in case u dont know, ppl's lives are
intertwined...we affect one another...juz a small action can change
anothwr person's life...) so...i think thats y i felt that i couldnt
have a life of my own...its bcoz my life was part of other ppl's
lives...meaning my family, frens, and ppl around me...so i wonder if i
can still find a little bit of my life to keep to myself...i dont
think i will find it, but i cant stop trying...

ppl keep counting down to new year, but i don like it...it is like
counting down to reality...i have to go back to school, see how weak
in studies i am compared to other ppl, see how short i am...i don know
about tis anymore...i don know where my life is headed to...i wan to
see the light...i need help finding my way, finding the meaning,
finding rest in the maze of life...its so scary feeling alone,
detached from others...and when i see a group of frens together...i
cant help envying then...they have frens and can mix around freely, i
have onli a few (if not none) which im not close to...if onli the
world isnt so task oriented...everybody is looking towards what u can
do, not what u are...thats y alot of new year resolutions are stuff
like "i must work harder" or "i wan to learn more useful
skills"...everything is about being better equiped to help society,
not being better at controlling emotions, being more mature, being
more understanding...what is the meaning of life? is it about striving
to be better (as in have more cash, status etc. etc.), or to know more
about oneself...i don know anymore...

my mom juz created an account in maplestory (lolz?) ... my bros and i had to guide her thru everything zzz... but i have a feeling she wanted to get closer to us thru the game...actually it wont work so well...i like ppl for who they r, not what they, have, give, or can give me...so playing a game with me wont get me closer to my mom...she wont get it, but i don care...my parents were nvr close to me, and juz might nvr be...

i also don lile the way i keep having time to think...i don wanna think anymore...its been shaping my life too much...its like being a wanderer...its better to juz live in a small hut, then searching the world for a mansion...and when i think, its like exploring and finding new lands...and seeing how much yet unseen...i feel so small in this world...wad is the meaning of it all...i wan to juz live lfe blindly like others...i don wan to think anymore...

i think one of the reason y i do not easily enjoy myself is bcoz of my
allergies...juz yesterday, i had alot of rashes appearing all over my
body...it was itchy, and when u looked at my skin, it would appear
like i had birth marks all over my body. the doctor said it was an
allergy...either i have taken a medicine which i was allergic to,
eaten seafood, or something else. i didnt take any medicine, so the
first possibilty us out. also, i didnt eat seafood in the last few
days so that possibilty is out too (though i am a little allergic to
seafood) ...so i have no idea what i m allergic to...i have a slight
allergy to seafood, my body cant take cold milk well, and now i have
another allergy that i have no idea about ...if i didnt have these
allergies, i juz might be living life a different way...i don know
every factor that caused my life to be like tis, but i know im still
in search of truth...hope you have found your meaning to life

alot of experience i've had was from books...each book was an insight
to the author's life, and all the author has experienced...it gave me
a big advantage over others...it gave me a general idea of other ppl,
and it helped me alot in conversations (u'll understand more next
time- im a like a paranoid) ...
i used to be lonely (i still am in a different way - last time i had
nobody around me, now i have alot of ppl, but veri little of them are
reali frens)...so i slowly came to believe that i cant impress ppl
thru simple talking...everything must be properly controlled so that i
had the advantage over the others...i guess i was selfish, wanted to
impress, to juz have that feeling of truely being appreciated...so
anyway, i was usually the one controlling the 1 to 1 conversations (i
dont like group conversations - im not used to sharing so freely) i
guess u could call me a freak...a reali scary one...as i said b4, im a
paranoid...so every little thing was controlled...timing, volume,
feelings, tone, eye contact (i sometimes scare myself with how much i
have changed)...with this i have deceived mani to think im juz normal,
simple ad happy...veri few know about the real me...i juz find it so
hard and embarassing to be so different, so complicated, and so
alone...i guess i am selfish...even words in this blog have been
twisted by me to achieve the very effect i have hoped for (i have juz
used the word "very" for emphasis...tis is bcoz each word have an
underlying meaning, example "deceive" has a slightly different meaning
from "trick" or "lie" - knowing tis alot has given me the advantage
to choose the right words, and to have the right arrangement of words)
- i guess tis gives me makes me kinda like a charismatic speaker who
uses his/her talents to deceive others...i feel so scared...

my life is full of uncertainties...deception, betrayal in little ways
have made me immune to mani attempts to deceive me...but it has
hardened my heart...i feel no more...i help but dont feel sympathy, i
hug, but dont feel or give love...i juz let out my sadness by myself
every now and then...feeling sad for the life i lost...feeling sad on
how things have changed... im so unsure of things that i have no real
refuge...my "solid ground" is no more than a shifting sand dune...i
turn from shelter to shelter...im in search of my final resting
place...im sure i will not find it, but i'll keep going on the journey
of the search of rest, in search of the meaning of life...in search of
truth in the world of uncertainty...usually the onli time i can slow
down in tis fas paced society is onli during my bath time...where i
can forget my body, and spend my time on my thoughts...next time, if u
have a moment, juz spend time thinking what is ur direction in life,
what in ur life is a sure truth, and what might juz be a lie...i guess
i thought about tis mani times, and saw how bleak the future
seemed...i think this was a huge factor that turned my life around...i
wish life doesnt have to keep changing, so i can slowly learn to fit
in, see where i belong in the system of society...i learn to help
others for tis is wad is called "correct", so tis is y i hope others
don have to go thru what i m going thru in life (there will be others
like me, however) Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and may God
guide you thru ur journey of Life

had a dream where i was juz doing activities with some1...that person was a stranger to me, or else i had forgotten him (didnt reali see him, didnt reali recognise him)...we were juz laughing as we were doing it, like how children can play and laugh with new frens...i guess im juz wishing for some1 to be that fren, to do stuff that we can do together, no conditions except to have fun...usually the ppl i meet are more task oriented...the onli time i spend with them is when they're doing something they need or want to...it has always been this way, and so in the end i give up my time to spend it with them...they never reali appreciated it, and maybe they didnt even saw y i was doing it...so im juz waiting for that fren who can juz give up some time, and simply do the things we like to do...

last evening, my mom was scolding my bro and i for juz playing a few
extra minutes neyond the time limit...she said a few time "ur father
is right, u take me for granted and if ur father is here u'l obey
immediately" and also "im fact everyday at most u should only play one
and a half hour"...i dont know who is right, who is wrong..,i end up
blaming myself for eveything...im so confused...every scolding seemed
like a personal attack, and everytime my emotions were hurt , a part
of my life is like being eaten away...im on the path of self-
destruction and i might juz lose entire meaning to life...im waiting
for a good leader to guide me thru and show me the turming point of my
life...(im not a good leader - there was no great leader in my life
for my role model. my father was bias to my second bro, my mom juz
turned to my father to punish us, i had no bigger brother or
sister...no example of a leader...) i have also been trying to
change...but it juz led to total chaos in my life...i didnt know which
part of me was the real me or not... i cant find myself in this maze
of life...i dont know if i should actually change or to stay as
myself...i am standing on unstable and unpredictable ground...im so
desperate...i juz feel like giving up on life...

others seem to have a good life...it seems to go by this way: for
others to be happy, one person has to suffer for the rest...Jesus
Christ suffer and died for everyone. a salmon has to sacrifice itself
during childbirth to ensure the continuation of the species...maybe im
juz one of the few who have to suffer...im waiting for answers to my
questions...my life has been full of lies and deception...

What is the truth?

i have a way with words...emotions are what i emphasize on...i work
well with it as i have experienced emotions...every emotion u name i
will have at least come in contact once...anguish, neglect...wadever u
can think off...its becoz of tis i find it easy to deceive - its hard
to think that behind my enthusiastic smiles that deep feelings run
below...i've been deceived by my friends, my parents, by life
itself...i've learnt so much to catch ppl lying, and to deceive ppl
myself. i guess life has influenced me too much...

i experienced so much and yet i call myself inexperienced... its becoz
everything i experienced was a lie...everything that i learnt,
everything that i knew, everything that i believed in...all turned out
to be lies...how much more are people going to try to find their way
thru a world of doubt...life is juz a maze thru a world of
darkness...so i juz hang on to my emotions and hope for the best

im afraid to be part of other ppl's lives...it takes juz one person to
change another person's life forever...maybe im juz paranoid..,i m juz
so confused...

i guess ignorance reali is a bliss...i always thought that i wasnt the
quiet type...i wasnt the emo type...(parent's influence)...when i knew
it...it turned my whole life upside down...it happened so
gradually...i nvr reali saw it coming...im juz so confused...i guess
im waiting for the ligjt at the end of the tunnel...its either a long
tunnel or that im juz too blind to see the light...waiting for that
someone to guide me...to lead the way in the maze and mystery of
life...(lolz i can be a poet zzz)...good luck with life everyone...

i wan to live a normal life, doing the things ppl usually do, worrying
about things ppl usually worry about...life has deceived, confused,
and manipulated me... now i cant even trust myself...i wan to be more
like others, less of myself...i have been living life in an idealistic
way...it led me to be this wreck...i wan to stop blaming myself... i
wan to stop living life this way but i think there's no hope for me
left... i juz hope nobody else hace to suffer this way... so to
everyone out there: live life from day to day, dont wori about the
future or the past...enjoy the present like u nvr did b4...life is too
short to worri about other periods of life...what matters is not on
the outside, but instead what is on your inside ...God Bless

yesterday, i was feeling so confused...it seems like my bro Bryan doesnt care about my feelings... i almost wanted to juz jump down...my father was also in a bad mood yesterday...i hate him so much... his every scolding was like a personal attack...he would juz beat like he wanted to vent his anger...i hate him...

by the way...sori to dissapoint u all...but i decided about maplestory...im gonna play it, but i'll play with my bros onli...i'll juz follo them around or something...im not gonna let myself go out of control again...

the pain from memories gets worst...seeing it juz brings tears to my eyes, i breathe like im out of breath...and my throat has a feeling...and i feel like juz vomiting all my guts out...

my bro was calling me selfish bcoz im trying to stop them from playing as much as they wan...but it bcoz im juz scared of memories...its a part of me...pulling me away...im feeling so desperate...i wan my life back...

i dont reali call myself an emo....but i feel like slashing myelf...this blood is my life...and i hate it...i wan to juz let out some of my life...juz letting my life juz flow...i dont get it - alot of ppl cut themselves so that they can be labeled "emo"...but im hoping to slash myself (but im scared my parents find out or something) but i dont care if nobody sees my cuts...its supposed to be personal... that is juz another reason i feel so out of place...i do things for a different reason that everyone else does it for...y does life have to be so complicated?

wow 3rd post 2day...i guess that although it was an uneventful day, my emotions are raging like the seas on a stormy night...im feeling more pain as i try to resist Maplestory...its pain that hurts right down to my heart...

im desperate...desperate for two things

one: i wan the pain to be over...its so pain...like labour pain - it comes back worser and worser...its so bad that i feel like taking my life to end the pain...maybe this pain is kind of a punishment for getting addicted in the first place...i was so stupid...how could i be so stupid...

two: im sick of this life...im hoping something happens to it...in fact, im so desperate that i would rather be handicapped, go blind or have some accident...at least for a short while i wont be "me" anymore...i'll have more affection...i'll greatfully juz give up everything for juz a moment of affection...u dont know how much this means to me - i've been living life on my own...my family juz misunderstands me as they see how i appear to be, but my feelings run much, much deeper than this...that's y i'll nvr be able to put my life story on this blog (unlike most ppl)...i hope some1 understands...

half the day already and im so scared...i miss the characters, the music, the visuals...temptation is threatening to tear the very feelings about me...im juz gonna brace myself, and hope for the best...(God plz help me get thru this)...i guess God is testing me...but i've been going thru trial after trial...one of my brother keeps hurting my feelings...i'm going to a new school...have a test that will decide how much money my parents will save for my school fees (my mom reminded me once that it'll help alot if i pass - makes me feel more guilty)...feeling alone in this life...

all this while i have not heard anything from God...maybe i have not been listening to Him enough... i'll juz hand this all to God and hope for the best...(i'll see if i can find a pic of my character l8r...lols)

My bros all transferring maplestory to the home computer without parents permission... juz last year i made sure i nvr used maplestory again...im too afraid to play in case of addiction...my bros all playing it in front of me...im so scared i get drawn to all the new features and old memories....i wan my bros to uderstand that im afraid of getting addicted again, but i have a feeling that if i tell them they'll wan to convince me to play even more...im juz so scared (the reason i liked about maplestory was the visuals - some backgrounds looked so peacefuls and the skills look too nice, i miss the backgroumd tunes too...i have alot of it on my phone) im trying to get hooked on facebook or something that i can easily quit...facebook will be more addictive if i juz have friends to talk to...that's y i made quite a few friends in the game "kidnappers"...i wan to chat with some1 b4 i ruin my life...im torn between 2 worlds...confusion is threatening to split the threads of my life apart... im a Christian so i believe that God has a plan for me, and that every temptation can be overcomed with God helping...

oh no they're playing at the place with the relaxing sound...i hope i dont get addicted again (search for Maplestory: Sleepywood)...i might have bad taste, but with every location, every image, every tune, there is meaning, there are memories...and i have to tear myself away from my old friends, my old memories, a part of my life - to save the rest of it...please help and give encouragements... coz im managing all by myself (i'll nvr tell my family - they think im juz an immature, helpless, selfish, typical 14 year old...that's y i turn to myself and to ppl who understand a part of me...to that some1, plz help me...

Life dealt me alot of troubles...mani of which happened when i was young... and it shaped me alot to who i am...(this "who i am" is veri messed up)...i feel so out of place...

one of the troubles was that i was born in a well-to-do family, and my father made a wrong investment...lost a lot of money, and shifted to a small flat in Yishun...then i had to coped with living life without luxuries...and i coped so well...i didnt ask for any toys, red packets (with money inside) i got during chinese new year had to be used to buy school books, food...no complains...(my parents were deep in debts)...i lived a life unlike other children my age...(mani of my classmates have $2000 - $3000 in their banks acc, excluding the money they spent, and i had onli 1k+, without spending anything)...

we past that stage already, but my father is now spending alots of money on gadgets...like an iphone 3G (he dumped his second-hand 2G phone on me...after that whenever he scolds me he says like "I gave u an iphone already, then u still behave so badly"...but it lost its charm already, coz my father used it already, and my bros and i didnt find it interesting anymore...)...and leaving me with nothing...

another trouble is that i have a face that makes it easy for ppl to call me "nerd" or "geek" (yea...alot of my friends go like "KEEE-NERD!!!" zzz...), though i wan to live my own life...stupid specs (my parents simply had to let me read - i went to some nusery schools even b4 i learnt to walk...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this'll sound funi...but i have a few stuffed animals...but when the world out there doesnt understand me (wadever u noe about me now is juz the tip of the iceberg...) my stuffed animals will be my friends (imagination is my strong point) ...its where i find acceptance in the world of strangers, its where i find advice in the world of deception (my imagination shapes my own world - every stuffed-animal will have its own personality, and this is how i see where every personality fits in society...all excect my type of personailty - the outcast)...it is where i simulate the world in my room (actually i have no room of my own - that's y i need much more time alone)...it helps me understand life...

P.S. try not to comment me, or message me about this blog...if i know who is watching...then i'll be more restrictive on what i write, and u will never understand me...this is the onli place where i unravel my life

My mother juz called...said she wanted me to go out to the VBS camp fire...i didnt want to go, but she kept insisting...she gave excuse like "Oh your friends (from church) will be there" and "Papa want you to socialise"...she juz dont get it...she's been with me so long and she doesnt even know i wan to be alone...(i'll let her figure it out herself so she'll understand more...easy come easy go...)...

two things...going out for something like this requires not juz "friends", but "good/best friends", none of which i have...next, i socialise onli when im inclined to, not when anyone else wants me to. if i'm reali forced to go i'll juz be sitting there, not doing anything...and that's gonna be boring...and i can already see my father pestering me to go, then i refuse, then he either starts scolding me or he leaves...

my family juz cant leave me alone...i wan to be independant but they dont let me...and they can l8r on say they r spoiling me...but that's bcoz they want to, not bcoz i wan...and my father can scold me and "ask"(force is a better word) me to help him with his stuff, and his reason(excuse is a better word too) is bcoz hes my father...one of these examples was when he wanted me to do his powerpoint (lyrics for the church's children service) and i said i had enough of doing so mani times (actually i juz said "no", but that sentence was what i reali meant)...then he asked mani times, getting angrier and angrier, threatening me with a cane (a present from the devil i suppose...) i didnt give in but all i got was a few strokes of the cane (i got so mani from young now i nvr feel anything anymore...life's so evil...)

i'll juz hope my stuation changes...i dont think it will, but dreams nvr hurt anyone...(maybe it did but i was hurt so much already....)

My mom has demands for me already...ever since the time I created the simplest of all calculators, she wanted me to create a program for her so the message master (her company's product) can do something about all the messages...yesterday evening she was like "Ur program should do this...and that..."...zzz And later on she wanted to hug me and stuff...i seriously need some personal space... she also said that Bryan (he's been in a camp for 2 days now...) missed me, although I didnt believe her that he missed me...he would never do that...he cares onli about himself...like i've been treating him so well, and i got lots of vulgarities from him...other then that i got nothing...

so later Bryan came home, skipping a night in the camp...I pretended to be asleep...and i heard everything...he told my mom that he missed her...but didnt miss me at all (he didnt say this to make me angry...its coz he thoguht i was asleep..) My mom lied that i missed him too, but he didnt believe as well...(not that i cared...i cared for him for so long but nobody even noticed)

had a dumb dream as well...but it told alot about how i felt...i dreamt that my other bro was dying...it showed me how i would react to the deaths of ppl i love...so maybe im not prepared for them to die, but i wouldnt mind dying on the other hand...zzz

i feel that no one out there realli understand...but i dont care anymore...i read b4 that introverts are more comfortable with a small circle of friends, and the few friends are important to that them...but i feel so different...i dont wan close friends anymore...i juz want to be alone. ppl might ask y, but its b coz i had one reali good friend b4...Brandom Lim (wow...happened 8 years ago and i still remember)...he changed school and i nvr saw him again...another was Daniel Chong...met him in BSF (when i was 12 years old) but after that my father finished his course and i couldnt go there again...i left him my email but he nvr sent me anything...(he didnt leave me his email or his phone number...)...i think he had more friends than juz me...after that i didnt care to make friends...everyone else had their own already...i'lll juz stay as an introverted introvert...living life alone...

Starting to think that some ppl dont get it...blogs are not for ppl to see what blog writers' lives are, it is just a window on their lives. and what the window shows is what the blog writer want ppl to see...some writers will use deception, manipulating ppl's trust...zzz

Oh yea I created another calculator that can now save numbers...yea

Yea got some time on my own 2day...needless to say: its so boring... Was juz scrolling thru the phone calender 2day...then it suddenly came to me how bleak the future felt...I couldnt see myself in 20, 30 year's time...would that day reali come? or would something happen, like Global Warming, terrorist attacks, tsunami, hurricane, earthquake... ... one day, Singapore might juz face these problems. Even if it dont, Global Warming will still be there.

Also had a dream last night (wow, finally a message from my subconsious lol), about my parents talking...talking about how much i've grown, or something like that. When i was awake, it suddenly came to me that my parents weren't reali interested in me...they talked about my studies, my schooling, buying the textbooks and stuff, but they didnt reali put me in the picture anymore... other people's view on my life was obstructed my what I had, the complications, and so on, that no one reali got to see me, in what i am. im not sure if the real me is good or bad, but i juz know is somewhere buried under the loads of materialistic items...waiting to be uncovered...

Feeling bored...wish life was more unpredictable in some ways and more predictable in others. My brothers are really starting to get on my nerves...But at least I got to finish the calculator. Making a little bouncing block that bounces against the application's walls...got to make it so that there is not even a 0.000000001% chance of it having a glitch. I want more ideas...lol.

My life's been kinda contradicting...its juz so complicated. My life is circled around relationships, and I have to end up as an introvert...the onli reason why I seem so "outwards" is somehow bcoz everyone around me is an extrovert, and I came to feel that it is better to be an extrovert...zzz Another contradiction: I like being a sadist...(SADIST seems better capitalised lol...) but yet when I hurt ppl's feelings, I feel sorri. Life's not going to make sense if it keeps complicating and contradicting stuff...(not that it make sense from the start but u get the idea)...

...

This is so boring...i wan to work on my calculator but my bros always wan to play their own "LF2" (...). They keep editing the game, and dont let me do my calculator. its always in the late evening that they let me do the calculator (they're scared that my parents will catch lol)...i think i'll post something on the progress of the calculator lol (juz learning Visual Basics but progressing fast with my self study...i juz needed the first course of the VB lesson then i understood all the things in the VB manual...lol)
I should also put up an area where i put status updates (yea like the facebook "'so and so' is doing something"........lol)

Life's boring

Lol my dad has a way of simply spoiling ppl's day by juz exaggerating what u juz done...but he does that only to me and my 2 bros...so that's y no one will understand...also, my mom likes adding fuel to the fire, so now we're as good as burning on the sun...life is not worth the trouble...

Juz occurred to me...

I suddenly realised that I could right now be living a life of luxury. Its all because of my father that we lost alot of money in a wrong investment...Its all his fault

8th November

Had some fun yesterday with the party, although my father ruined the first half with his selfish behavior. When some of my classmates came to my house, they said it got some sort of peaceful feeling. So, all of a sudden, a bloody battlefield (between my father and I) became a peaceful heaven. Going back to real life...no more safety, no more peacefulness anymore...

Sleeping

Had a hard time sleeping last night, just like many other nights. Why can't my brain juz go to sleep properly and not keep me awake...

Last Night

Last night my father received an SMS from Mary, who happens to be my stepsister (whom I have never met b4). The way she texted was like she was very close. It went something like "Dad, can we go out for dinner on another day? Coz I got studies on Thursday." and something else about buying a harddrive, but that's not important. It's juz so unfair that she is so close to him although he is not officially her father anymore, but mine...and yet my father is hating me so much...feeling depressed...

Bored...

Feeling really bored today...Also feeling that my father hates me. He claims that I'm rude to him juz becoz I speak to him with my usual sarcasm. He keeps shouting at me every time I do that, and keeps saying he wants to bash me up, or beat me up until I bleed. I really hate him.