My mother juz called...said she wanted me to go out to the VBS camp fire...i didnt want to go, but she kept insisting...she gave excuse like "Oh your friends (from church) will be there" and "Papa want you to socialise"...she juz dont get it...she's been with me so long and she doesnt even know i wan to be alone...(i'll let her figure it out herself so she'll understand more...easy come easy go...)...

two things...going out for something like this requires not juz "friends", but "good/best friends", none of which i have...next, i socialise onli when im inclined to, not when anyone else wants me to. if i'm reali forced to go i'll juz be sitting there, not doing anything...and that's gonna be boring...and i can already see my father pestering me to go, then i refuse, then he either starts scolding me or he leaves...

my family juz cant leave me alone...i wan to be independant but they dont let me...and they can l8r on say they r spoiling me...but that's bcoz they want to, not bcoz i wan...and my father can scold me and "ask"(force is a better word) me to help him with his stuff, and his reason(excuse is a better word too) is bcoz hes my father...one of these examples was when he wanted me to do his powerpoint (lyrics for the church's children service) and i said i had enough of doing so mani times (actually i juz said "no", but that sentence was what i reali meant)...then he asked mani times, getting angrier and angrier, threatening me with a cane (a present from the devil i suppose...) i didnt give in but all i got was a few strokes of the cane (i got so mani from young now i nvr feel anything anymore...life's so evil...)

i'll juz hope my stuation changes...i dont think it will, but dreams nvr hurt anyone...(maybe it did but i was hurt so much already....)